chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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