im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
