you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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