I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
