i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize