I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
