woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
