please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
