you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
