I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
