haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
