you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need moral support for this bender
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
