And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
