I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
