I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
