apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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