I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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