Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
