just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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