I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
