So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
