Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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