it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
