hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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