Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
