dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i already hear my dad disowning me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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