there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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