Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
