$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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