Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
