A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
