Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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