I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
