i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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