there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize