hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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