FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
