I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
