okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize