Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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