the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
