i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
