I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize