I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
