Your dad touched me again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
