he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
