some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
