woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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