So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
