hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
