Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize