I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
