I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
