your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize