no, he came in my armpit
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize