there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize