Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
