i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
