please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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