Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
