I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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