My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
