he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
