I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
