I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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