New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I enjoy the company of your penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
