I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
