If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
