i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
