I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
