that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
