good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
