Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
