WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
