You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
