Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
