Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
