They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
