o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
