HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
