She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
