A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I look better un-naked...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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