I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
