he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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