Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
