that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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