dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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