I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
