the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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