They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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