he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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