Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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