Just fell off a train. Bad.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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