Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
