just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
