Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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