Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
