Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
