Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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