Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
