I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
