I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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