You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
