Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
