I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize