i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
